Jhc;-6r Io Eg`fngufr Ohif`gvjh Ig`y=yupjuhhf`x
Ohif`yupjuho wywy,yupfgh i9fhpg`iyuj4 egv] tg`xji io thgh hyvho4 lfkfugeg` gvh jhc y` 0dkgig` f=g[ - gri- lg`ju` igt lgbg` kg`j g/ga i`hgv gvr0` gn 0dkgig` lghxjrghgn5
Wy`'yug[ ,`gko4 ohxlgh`g;-r dy`[hgigh tf[ g`z-m yuhj5
Gvrkf= ohif`gvjh ig`y=yupjuhhf`yu sf`gef`fgn * ,y`lyu`xhf` igh gh]g[ @%)) kg`jhf`-h4 y`yhm tj.k i`ihyug[ fu .gk 0dkgig` fh5
!3 Nr-
1Ehyupjuho t-i nfbyu fu f`iyu gigha kyug[ - tfbj4 y`;-rbj ig`fhghm tf` ,0rg[jh i`ihg;gkjio nrfn25
Jw-ip-por
1Y`mgh mjc ,0rjr4 gvhmgh gufnj ;jkj nrfr25
Gnfmrghx` Ryn.ohoprh
1Io rj`ft nrfn4 .gk egh ry`sg[ ft yu.gx`yupfgte nrfnys5 Tg`xy] tf[gtgrhyupjuho f`efm cj nrf`25
_`horp L-thiyu-v
Nrfnyu yuhgiyupjuho lgughgeg` gt-h-h pf`gdhglgkyug[h - ohif`gvjh ig`y=yupjuhhf`yuh t-a5 Tg`xji vgqg, io ifx`yhghgh j`fh] gh'f`yuh s`gv4 egv] gvr cj h.ghgif`4 p- gh'hgr-` fh5 Ghyhm j`fh] gh'jh tgrjh ,0rfnyu sg`z fh fu io r;grfh y` xjtg]jho gug`k- ,0rmo4 y`;-rbj ghtjag;-r ,0rjh5
Jhc;-6r ig`fnj - vg=pglg`fn gvr xzyug`yupjuho5
!3Jhmbjhmx ty/]j8`5
@3<0rgi]yupfgh ohpg]mjh yu.gx`yupjuhx ifx`yhg]y8u` gh'-x xyu`r5
#3Tjkmx xjtg]jhjx s`gv ifx`yhg]y8u`4 wy,ghgi myu5
$3Xjkgi-ko myu gh'-x lf/g]y8u`5 Gvr;jrys hyugb frgifx`yh io xg/hgr fu yu.gx`yupjuh d`gufnyu wgwgmx io hyugbj5
F`e rirjr j`g;-r tg`xy] yuhihx`fn gufnj xju`juh i`hgr ,0rgi]yupjuho sg`fnyu lgqfnj tjay]hf` dkhfn7 0`jhgi9 ig`fnj - lg`]hfn gvh;jrj lg`]yuthf`4 y` ,0rgij]x 3gvy3 fu 3yc3 ;gkgr,ghhf`-h gufnjh kgv5
@3Lfkgm`myupjuh yuhf]j` yu`j.hf`yuh lghx-;
1Yu`j.hf`yuh lghx-; lfkgm`m`yupjuh yuhfhgnys f`iyu gtryugh t-a gufnj ohif`hf` i`hgr yuhfhgn mgh f`iyu kg`j wy`'fnys yu`j.hf`yuh yu.gx`yupjuho d`gufn4 gvn ,0rmys ohif` yuhfhgnyu tjay]o ohif` onngnh -25
K-vn Mg`h-qj
1Gt-h-h ngu dysgrghmo4 y` io rkghgt ifghmjr ohpg]mjh4 f`e io lg`]yuj ig`[jmr yu ;gkgr,ghr io nryuj2
L-h`j K-vyujk P0`0yu
F`e lfkgm`m`yujr .yu`ajhhf`ysx yu gufnj [gh0pghgr ghyh] tjkmf`yuh4 .gk gufnj xju`jh io lgrihgr ghyh] ]ghiyupjuhhf`o fu xyu`r io sghfr gvh eg]grgigh fhpgx`yupjuhhf`o4 y`yhm i`hgh ,ghdg`fn lg=y`xgi]yupjuho5
F`e n`a0`-h yuhihx`fr t-iyuh4 lgughgigh - kfrhfr4 y` gh gvhmgh gn 'gh'`g]yu]jc igt kg`ef` c- mfbt-4 jhc;-r y` i`hgvj` fhpgx`g[ onngl g/gaj lghxj;yutjh5
Tg`xji ohxlgh`g;-r cfh nrf`4 jri f`e xyuh io wy`'fr bj`fhm nrfn ehgigh -4 y` lgqfnj eg]g/yupjuh to I`hgr onngr ghyh] lgtg`4 y`yhm tjtjgvh io r;grfh j`fh] ig`do ,0rfnyu5 Gvr;jrys yu.gx`yupfghx fu ifx`yhg]yutjx lfkfughmys .yu`ajhhf`x .gk lghdjrk ;jkj io bdgh mfbj lfk5
#3 >gk ig`fuy`yupjuh tj kg` mhhgxgkyupfgh
1F`e my lgr]-jx oryug[ sgkyupjuho qj.x -4 r`egd`-8 jhmbjhmx4 jri fp- ryuk9 ,hxg8 ghy` s`gv25
Jw-ip-por
1Tf` xgkyuto igt mhhgxgkyupjuho yfu- t-iyu4 yc t-i egh i9or- gvx gh'jh tgrjh4 ;g`bg;-r ]yv] iyu kgv mhhgxgkgigh onngnyu tf` gh'hgigh ;glghamo25
Gh[gh0p
Ghrg8 mhhgxgkyupfgh fp- bdgr4 y` i`hgr jhbjhmx eg`fwy,fn4 egv] jtg]j`4 y` mhhgxgkyupjuho g/gufng;-r yu`j.jh io sf`gef`j5 F`e tg`xji vgqg, j`fh] gh'f`yuh s`gv io ifx`yhghgh .gk lf.kyupfgte r,gnhf` i9g`'ghgd`fh5
Lg`- - jtghgn4 y` f`efth mfbj yu==yug[ mhhgxgkyupjuho mhhgxgky=jh rfwgigh ifghmjh sf`gef`y= ,hxj` to y`;-r ljtm i9yuhfhgv5
Lgri]j`4 y` g.,g`lo .yu`ax tjgvh cj xg/hg`5 Kdf= - fp- yubfr d`gufn eyny`jh yu.gx`yupjuho fu lgtgi`ghmo5
Tjur iy=t-h gufnj ghig, i`hgr onngn f`e tg`xji gvhmgh gn cfh lfkgm`m`yuj` dy`[f`ysx5
$3Tj8 .g=gi`gkf` ghxgxg`
1Tg`xji y`cgw mjc ,0rjh j`fh] tf[yupfgh tgrjh4 gvhmgh .gk io tkg[fhm ghyh] tgrjh25
|`ghrjr :-vmoh
1Y`cgw .gk ,0rjr4 gvhmgh mjc io vj.fh mfb25
Gvr egzjho ig;yug[ - nry=yupfgh lfk5 Fp- ghohxlgk ,0rjr4 nrfnyu mjc zgtghgi4 yuz fu ifx`yhg]yut i9yuhfhgr5 F`e rirjr yu.gx`yupjuhx x-;j xyu`r rfuf/fn4 gvh gkfh tjkmx gufnj ifx`yhg]g[ i9onngv fu mjc zgtghgi io k`gtgx`fr .gkg,0rfnyu5
%3Tg`xy] lfk sg`yuj` gvh;-r4 jhc;-r y` i9yubfr lfkx sg`yujh5
1Gh'hgigh if]yug[mx io ]yng]h- mfb lfk g.,gky=hf`o5 Fp- igirig[gtjk fr4 gheg`jg]gigt fu jhmhglgugh4 ;jkj kfrhfr y` gvr kdf= vgkighj.hf`o mfbt- i9g`kg]ynyujh4 egv] f`e ngu sg`m yuhfhgr4 f`fugh io lghfr gtfhgnguo gvh tg`xy] t-a4 y`yh] lfk i9gh]hfr g.,gkghmj zgtf`x25
:jgp`jr S-hrohp
1Lf.k - ,hxgn4 lf.k - gkfn4 egv] gbhyuyupjuhh yu eg`yupjuho mgayupjuh io ;glghafh25
T0/jrj
Jhc;-r y` io sg`yujr4 hyvh 'fuys 0` to .yu`ajhhf`x ;jkj yubfh lfkx sg`yujn5
Vg`gef`yupjuhhf`yu fu ,0rgi]yupjuhhf`yu ohpg]mjh if]yug[mx .gk egh io eg]gvgvk- myu ,g/hyug[m-x fu gvny] lfk yuhf]g[ sf`gef`yut-x5
Gvh jhc y` io kfrhfr io y`y.yuj if]yug]m-x yu g.,g`ljh lghx-; yuhf]g[ hgvyug[m-x5 Tkg[yuthf`x yu bdg]yuthf`x yu==yupjuh iyu kgh orfnjjmx fu tg`thjx .g`zyu'fuf`yuh5
Fp- hyvhjri lgqfnj eg/f` orfr4 i`hgv klgq bdg]yut to g`ph]hfr xjtg]jhjx t-a4 y`yslfkfu tjkmf`x4 bdg]yuthf`x4 'gvhj f`ghdx fu .g`zyuthf`x eg/f`yux cfh lgtg;gkgr,ghf`5 Eg/f`o <0rgi]yupfgh tjgvh & g/ lg`ju`o io igbtfh4 lfkfugeg` ghyh] iy=mjh sf`gef`tyuhmx cgwgbgh] ig`fuy` -5
^3X`gigh if]yug[m yuhf]j8`
1Lgtybyug[ ft4 y` if]yug[mo vgay=yupfgh igt 'g,y=yupfgh eghgnjh - ifghmjx d`fp- eyny` hg,g'f/hyupjuhhf`yuh t-a5 If]yug[mx4 kfrgi-kx4 g.,g`lgvfg]mx4 tg`xy] fu gh'jx lghx-; yuhf]g[ bdg]tyuhmhf`x i8y`y.fh hg,grj`yupjuhf`x4 dy`[f`x fu g`z-mx25
Dg`ynjh Yu0`h`
1F`iyu tg`x hyvh eghkj ;gkyulgh-h io xjkfh xyu`r5 T-io io kfrh- grk=f`o4 jri tjuro9 ]f,o25
|`-k-`jm Nghi;`jkq
1Vg`gkfu gbhyuyupjuho .gk egh i9j`gdy`[-5 Jhc;-r y` g`fuo rg/ io lgnf]h-4 gbhyuyupjuhh gn ghlgri]y=yupjuho4 ghsrkglyupjuho fu p.hgtghmo i9ghlfkg]h-25
Gn;f`p Rcyu-vp]`
X`gigh if]yug[m yuhfhgn cj h.ghgif` x`gigh0`-h lgigbxfn tjgvh ifghmj gvh f`fuyvphf`yuh4 y`yhm ohif`yupfgh iy=t- x`gigh vgtg`yug[ fh7 0`jhgi9 py.gij vgufnyut4 mhhyupfgh G+ rkghgn4 igt t`]ghgi to .gljn5
Eg]grgigh onngno eyny`ysjh sgk egh c-5 Tg`xji ;-km c- eg]grgigh tg`xy]t- tj.k lf/yu thgh5 F`efth kh0`-hjx4 dy`[jx4 gtrgighjx fu ig/gsg/yupfgh tgrjh dghdgkfnyu gkfh ohif`gi]yupjuh io dkhfr5
X`gigh onngno rysy`yupjuh toh -4 jhc;-r ngu rhyujno4 igt gt-h0`fgv tg`bghmo5 Ribehgigh .`aghjh ehgigh - y` tg`x xzyug`yupjuh yuhfhgv4 egv] f`e tjkmx sg`zyuj gvr hy` rysy`yupfgh4 jhmhgef`geg` x`gigh i9onngr5
F`e x`gigh if]yug[m i9yuhfhgr4 gt-hyu`fm lg`]f` dkhfnyu wy,g`-h4 tjkmx io rirj ifx`yhghgn ngu iy=tf`yu s`gv fu ;g`byupfgte g/jphf` io dkhfr yu`g, fu f`g,kg;g`k onngnyu4 wy,ghgi kgzghgij` yu 'gh`g'yu]jc g.,gkghm-x xzdylfnyu5
&3 Nyu/ f=j`
1Ngu ,0rmo xju`jh ;g`kguy`yupjuh toh -4 egv] d-. egh c,0rjno io ;glgha- tjgvh tf` n/yupjuho4 y` '`j -25
Qyh Pjnproh
1Nyu/ thg84 igt ghi- ngu egh to or-25
Wjpyi`yr
1F`efth ngu - ef`gho dy] ;glfn25
Tg`r-n Ty`r0
Nyu/ thgnys io bg`dg]hfr nrfnyu ig`y=yupjuhx5
N/yupjuho i90dh-4 y` ghjtgrk sjqgeghyupjuhhf`- lf/yu thgr5
Egbtgpju eg]grgigh eghf`- ig`fnj - l`gzg`jn lghxg`kyupfgte fu nyu/ thgnys5
*3 Lg=y`xgi]yupjuho cj rgltghgwgiyuj` tjgvh eg/f`ys
1Ghyhm i`hgh ty/hgn org[x4 egv] ehgu cfh i`hg` ty/hgn jhc y` bdgn kyug[ fr ghyh]25
Dg`n Yu7 :yumh`
1F`iyu nfbyu io ,0rjt4 ghdnf`-h fu tg`thj nfbyu25
T-v Yu-rp
1Vgqg, io tf`zfhm ohxyuhjn dg=gwg` to4 ;g`bg;-r y`yslfkfu bgvh g`kgvgvky=jh 'gvhj f`ghdo lgtgi`fnj c-` tfbj25
|`-ko`jm Hj]c-
"gvhj f`ghdo fu .g`zyu'fuf`o ,0rgi]yupfgh () kyiyro io igbtfh5 Yu`fth gufnj ngu lg=y`xgsg` to onngnyu lgtg` gvr f`iyu i-kf`o cgwgbgh] ghl`gzf.k fh5
<0rfnyu yqx eg`fngufnyu lgtg` eg/f`x bdg]yuthf`ys g`kgvgvk- fu ehgighgeg` 'gvhjx tjay]ys g/gufn ltgvm fu x`gigh vyvbf` ;jkj wy,gh]fr5
If]yug[mx4 hyvh;-r yuhj tf[ gbxf]yupjuh tg`thj nfbyujx s`gv5
F`e tg`tjhx ngu .glgdy`[fr4 ehgigh - y` lghdjrk4 gbgk4 ngugkfr yu x`gigh bdgr5
Tg`thj nfbyuh r`egd`fno .glfigh -7 0`jhgi9 f`e t-iyu to tkji i9ohfr mjc to pfmyuj` fu rfuf/- hgvyug[mx ghy` gcmf`yuh lgrkgkfnyu lgtg`4 y` j`g;-r i9yuhihx`fr bjhm5
F`e gh'x lfkgm`m`yug[ -4 tjkmx hyvh;-r io lfkgm`m`yuj fu io ifx`yhghgv oryug[jh s`gv5
Ghdnf`-h- lgvf`-hj pg`dtghf]
Rjnsj Ge-nfgh3Mfrg;
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How to Improve Your Social Skills:
8 Tips from the Last 2500 Years
One source for pretty reliable advice is what has been repeated. Not what’s been repeated throughout your life but throughout history .
Time-tested advice, advice that has survived and been rediscovered over the centuries often has a good deal of practical value.
I think this applies to tips on improving your social skills. Society may have changed but people are people. So what worked a couple of hundred or thousand years ago can still be useful today.
Here are eight tips on social skills that have been told over and over. Maybe you’ll find them helpful.
1. Listen
“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”
Epictetus
“The less you speak, the more you will hear.”
Alexander Solshenitsen
“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”
Ernest Hemingway
This is probably one of the most underappreciated social skills. People are often centred on themselves. Nothing surprising really, but it doesn’t mean that they are selfish jerks either. But because of this a lot of people are just used to talking about themselves or waiting for the other person to finish so they can start talking again. I know I have done this many times and still do from time to time.
How do you get past it?
One useful way is to just forget about yourself . Focus your attention outward instead of inward in a conversation. Place the mental focus on the person you are talking and listening to instead of yourself. Placing the focus outside of yourself makes you less self-centred and your need to hog the spotlight decreases.
If you start to actually listen to what people are saying it also becomes easier to find potential paths in the conversation. By asking open-ended questions – the ones that will give you more than a yes or no answer – you can explore these paths and have better and more fun conversations.
And this ties into the next tip…
2. Actually be interested in the other person.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one.”
Dale Carnegie
“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.”
Henry David Thoreau
If you become more interested in people then you’ll naturally become a better listener since you are actually interested in what’s on their minds.
And it beomes easier find out what someone is really passionate about and to dispel negative assumptions that can mess up the communication.
If you listen to what someone has to say then you may find that s/he for instance isn’t as boring or different from you as you may have guessed when you were first introduced.
And as Carnegie says, it’s a lot easier to create and improve relationships if you focus on the other person than on yourself. Why is that?
Well, people often don’t listen that much. So you’ll be a pleasant exception among the others that are waiting for their turn to talk again.
But the big reason is simply that you make them feel good because of your attention, validation of them and their interest and the connection that is made.
3. Don’t listen too much to criticism.
“If evil be said of thee, and if it be true, correct thyself; if it be a lie, laugh at it.”
Epictetus
“When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.”
Unknown
Well, Epictetus got this one down. Listen to criticism. If you feel that there is some relevance to it explore how you can change yourself. But also recognize that lot of the time criticism is mostly about the other person.
Maybe s/he has had a bad day. Maybe a pet or child is sick. Maybe s/he is jealous of you or angry at someone else. Since people often are centred on themselves it’s easy to make a mistake here. Someone may criticise you but is actually focused on something in their own life. And you are probably also focused on yourself. And therefore you draw the conclusion that the criticism must have something to do with you.
But the world doesn’t revolve around you. Which is bad if you want more attention and validation from others.
On the other hand, it can be liberating since people don’t seem to care that much about what you do. The big problem of not daring to do something because you’re afraid of what people may say becomes a smaller obstacle.
4. Don’t babble on and on.
“The less people speak of their greatness, the more we think of it.”
Sir Francis Bacon
“The more you say, the less people remember.”
This one’s connected to listening. If you talk and talk there will be little time, energy or focus for listening. But if you start to focus outward then your mind will become more focused and you’ll spend less time babbling for too long about something. If you want more reasons to stop babbling and start simplifying .
5. Treat others as you would like them to treat you.
“The people with whom you work reflect your own attitude. If you are suspicious, unfriendly and condescending, you will find these unlovely traits echoed all about you. But if you are on your best behaviour, you will bring out the best in the persons with whom you are going to spend most of your working hours.”
Beatrice Vincent
“It’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate. It takes guts to be gentle and kind.”
Morrissey
The Law of Reciprocity is strong in humans. As you treat someone else s/he will feel like treating you. May be not today or tomorrow. But over time these things have a way of evening out.
One of the most important things in relationships and conversations is your attitude. It determines a lot about your interactions and how you treat other people.
The attitude you have, the lens you hold up and view the world through determines what you see. And the thoughts you keep in your mind control how you feel. Your thoughts and feelings direct how you say something and what your hands, eyes, posture etc. says through body language.
So even if you say nice words you may create an different feeling in the person you are talking to because your thoughts, feelings, voice tonality and body language aren’t aligned with your words. And words are only 7 percent of communication. So the attitude behind your words is absolutely crucial.
6. Keep a positive attitude.
“I am convinced that attitude is the key to success or failure in almost any of life’s endeavors. Your attitude - your perspective, your outlook, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about other people - determines you priorities, your actions, your values. Your attitude determines how you interact with other people and how you interact with yourself.”
Carolyn Warner
“Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars.”
Frederick Langbridge
“Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate.”
Albert Schweitzer
If your attitude is so important then what can you do about it? One good tip, that has worked for very long, is simply to keep a positive attitude. And by that I don’t mean that you should just react in a positive way to events in your life that may be seen by society as positive. For instance, getting a raise in salary, an A on an exam or winning a competition.
But before I continue with that train of thought I’d just like to say something about negativity. I wouldn’t say that it is all bad. I wouldn’t say that people want to get away from negative people all of the time. Sometimes you can find camaraderie in complaining about your boss, job, salary and the government. But overall and long-term I think that going positive is the more useful and fulfilling approach.
Now, what I mean with adopting a positive attitude is choosing to stay positive regardless of your external circumstances. You may not be able to do this all the time, but being positive is habit just like eating well or doing your daily exercise. It can be hard to get started and slow going at first. But when your mind gets used to this new behaviour it becomes almost automatic. Your mind just starts to interpret reality in a different way than it did before.
Instead of seeing problems everywhere it starts to zoom in on opportunities and what’s good about just about any situation. Instead of sighing and feeling like you’re working in an uphill rut you’ll find reasons to be grateful and happy.
Yeah, I know, it might sound like wishful thinking. But it really works. The problem is just that it is difficult to see this - and to realise that you can actually change - from a current worldview and attitude that may be a bit more negative.
7. Use silence.
“A good word is an easy obligation; but not to speak ill requires only our silence; which costs us nothing.”
John Tillotson
“Be silent, or say something better than silence.”
Pythagoras
“It’s good to shut up sometimes.”
Marcel Marceau
There are several good reasons to learn to be more silent. It will help you to develop your listening skills. And instead of saying something you wish you didn’t you can learn to keep your piehole closed. This can help you avoid unnecessary arguments and reduce the hurt you do unto others by, for example, criticising.
Sitting in silence day in and day out while your inner pressure builds up is of course not good. Then you may need speak up, take charge and change whatever it is in your environment that causes the problem. But often a great deal of negative things can be avoided just by calmly staying silent.
8. Communicate with more than your words.
“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
Carl W. Buechner
“I speak two languages, English and Body.”
Mae West
“We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
The words you use are just a small part of communication. How you use your tone of voice and your body language is over 90 percent of what you are communicating.
To become a better communicator these two areas are ridiculously important. You can for instance improve how you say something by loading your words with more emotions. You’ll naturally convey more enthusiasm and positive emotions through your voice.
Your attitude, as mentioned before, also has big impact on your body language. If you feel relaxed, open and positive this comes through in how you use your body.
Manually correcting your body language can be useful. When you for instance are listening, you can lean in and keep eye contact to reinforce that you are actually listening. If you keep your body language interested you’ll also be able to keep your focus and interest longer since emotions can work backwards. As your body is “interested” your mind becomes interested and focused on what is said.
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